What do they say?

Working in a restaurant I hear a TON of people talking about other people when those people aren't around, and it made me think. What do people say about me when I'm not there? I believe that people would have nothing but nice things to say about me. I don't know if I like that or not. I'm pretty sure that when Jesus was here, everyone talked about him when he wasn't around, and I'd be willing to say that most people talked pretty bad about him. He was stubborn, rebellious, insubordinate to the religious leaders, and he broke a lot of rules. He also loved people whom no one else loved. It would've been cool to be there and listen to what people said about Jesus.
I also think it's fair to say that people didn't talk that nicely about Paul when he wasn't there. He was ignorant, uncontrollable, and you never knew what he was going to say, because he spoke from the heart no matter who was there to hear it. He was 100% committed to God no matter what the cost, even people talking bad about him behind his back.
I want to live a life of love, both for God and for people. I want to speak truth all the time, even when it hurts to hear. I want people, when they talk about me, to talk about God, and how crazy it is that I live my life entirely relying on God. I think if a non-Christian could say that about my life, then it would mean I'm doing something right.

What do you think people say about you when you're not there?

Mediocrity

I desire to be something great, and to do great things, but lately I feel doomed to a mediocre life. Right now, I am in the midst of preparation for some truly awesome things, but it seems as though these things will never come to pass. I have always been pretty good at everything I've done. I was one of the smarter ones in school, I was always one of the more athletic kids, and even in church I have been put in leadership roles, but I feel as though I've never been great at anything. I desire to find what I am great at and then use that gift for God in whatever manner I can. I have tried and failed at a number of different things, and it's starting to get frustrating. I keep asking God where I am supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing, but I can't seem to figure it out. So I just keep on failing. I will keep on failing until one day I find greatness, not for me but for God. I am not taking away from God what is rightfully His, the power to govern my life and decide what I will or won't do, and I'm also not replacing God with doing things for Him, but I feel at a stand still. I guess the devil is better at what he does than I originally thought. He has been hitting me from every angle since I let go of everything I wanted and sacrificed my life for God's will. Every time something seems to be headed in the right direction, something comes up that takes me back a step. Maybe it's just called sanctification, and it hurts. I talked with a friend just today about how we continue to work out our salvation and it will continually hurt, but I just wish that, for once, things would go as planned. I will not give up, though. I will continue to fight for what I know God is calling me to, and I will continue to fight to be closer and closer to God. I just don't really know where to point my sword at the moment. Maybe I'm just lying to myself by telling myself that I am meant to be great, or maybe I just need to shake off my immature Christian dreams of changing the world. I feel as though I owe it to God to do all I can do to increase the size of the kingdom by as much as I can, and yes I know it's really not me but God using me and allowing me to be a part of His work, but sometimes I wish there were something in it for me here on Earth.



It's a constant battle, hints the name of the blog, fighting my sinful and fleshly desires and reaching up to the hands of God always ready to take me where He can best use me.



"You never said it would be easy. But You said You'd see me through the storm." - Mark Schultz